Category Archives: Life After Cancer

5 Years

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Five years. I’m torn between exclaiming that “five years” is a long time and lamenting how quickly those years pass, how fast five years can be.

To borrow a phrase my grad school department frequently champions, I’ve been “living in the tension” of how short five years are and yet how much can happen in them.

This past weekend was my five year reunion during Wheaton’s Homecoming. I felt that tension this weekend when I saw the physical signs of the passage of time: several college friends have a child or two, many are married, a few are done with med school and into their residencies, a couple are practicing attorneys, and others are in their sixth year of teaching. By those accounts, a lot can happen in five years. 

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It’s Been a Year

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I haven’t posted in a while–2 1/2 months, as I just discovered. Wow…that’s pretty bad, and I can’t believe it’s already October! I meant to post after my 5 year checkup (more on that in a post next week), but I wanted to sit on it for a few days and then things got busy and days turned into weeks, and I never did. I struggle sometimes with posting here consistently if I don’t feel that I have something to actually say that seems worth saying. I don’t want to add to the noise, but then I also know the best way to keep people reading is NOT by posting super infrequently.

Anyway, here we are. It’s October 2nd, and that means it’s a pretty big anniversary for a couple of reasons, so I thought I’d dedicate this post to anniversaries–for today and for my 5 year “cancerversary” (it’s a thing…don’t judge…cancer card).

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Wheaton in the Holy Lands: Israel

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Well, one of the “pilgrimages” I wrote about in May has now come and gone. Wheaton in the Holy Lands is officially over (aside from the books I still need to read and papers I still need to write…), but I know it will be an experience which will continue impacting me in the days, weeks, months, and even years to come.

Since 6 weeks is a long time to cover in one post and I’m long-winded on a normal, mundane day, I figured I’d break up my trip into separate posts for the two different parts of the trip: Israel for the first three weeks and then Turkey, Greece, and Rome for the second three weeks.

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On Turning 27 in 2014

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So, I turned 27 a few days into my Wheaton in the Holy Lands experience. I’ll post more about those six weeks soon–I have a couple of posts in the works but want to give them the time, thought, and effort that they deserve. 

Somehow, 27 feels a whole lot closer to 30, and 30 seems…well…old. (Sorry for any of you reading this who are over 30…but, you’ve been there, right?!?). I actually heard two girls from the US talking last night, and one was explaining that she’ll turn 27 in a couple months and it suddenly feels much closer to 30, so I’m not the only one, at least. Maybe the fact that I spent the past six weeks alongside 38 undergrads with an average age of 20 made me feel that much closer to 30. I’ve loved my 20s and most of what they’ve entailed: the adventures, the challenges, and the amazing ways God has shown His faithfulness in this decade of my life. Granted, He’s always been faithful and always will be, but I’ve absolutely seen that in the past 7 years. 

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Happy National Cancer Survivors’ Day

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…or should I maybe make that “Happy [inter]National Cancer Survivors’ Day” since I’m in Israel…?

Either way, I hope it’s a great day! Things in Israel are going well–I’ll try to give a better update in the next week, but for right now, I wanted to briefly reflect on and celebrate what being a “survivor” has meant through sharing what I’m thankful for on this day.

On this, NCSD, I praise the Lord for 5 years of remission, 5 years of NOT having to sit through chemo, and 5 years of generally good health (despite what the Chicago winter did to my poor toes and fingers this year).

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Pilgrimages and Such…

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A ton has been going on in the past couple of weeks! My Wheaton grad school finals finished up last week, my mom came up to Chicago and helped me pack up plus drive 14 hours home, and this week I frantically unpacked my stuff in Texas only to run around North Dallas getting ready for my Wheaton in the Holy Lands trip. I’m currently at the Philadelphia airport on an 8 hour layover between DFW and Tel Aviv (so excited!). I’m spending the next 6 weeks with Wheaton in the Holy Lands (WIHL from here on out, cause I’m lazy…): 3 weeks in Israel, then 3 weeks combined in Turkey, Greece, and Rome studying the land of Paul and the early church.

I’m exhausted from the year in grad school and trying to finish up all of my pre-course reading and assignments for WIHL, but I’m so excited about this trip! I never studied abroad in undergrad because I was busy with volleyball and a ministry I helped get going, and in the summers I worked at Kanakuk. So, consider this my “study abroad” experience…even though I’m the only grad student going with around 40 undergrads… So basically, I’m the big sister on this trip. The study part ends in Rome, and my mom is flying over to meet me there. From Rome, we’re planning to get in as much of Europe as we can in two weeks. I plan to come home in 8 weeks, thoroughly exhausted but hopefully having seen some amazing things!

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Why “Getting Over” Cancer Isn’t a Thing

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First of all, it’s been a few weeks, but in that time, I got to write a guest blog post for PearlPoint, a cancer support organization. If you haven’t seen it, check out the post here, and also check out the resources PearlPoint has—from helpful blog posts to information on nutrition, diagnoses, clinical trials, and finding support.

Secondly: I submit to you that “getting over” cancer (or other trials) isn’t really a thing.

A few weeks ago, I hung out in downtown Chicago with a friend who was here for a conference. We went to elementary and middle school together as well as high school youth group at church. Through our church, we went on a couple of mission so trips together—one actually to Chicago (we stayed at Wheaton, even more coincidentally).

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Confession: I Am Still Vulnerable to Loss

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I’ve been talking about the necessity of being present with others in posts three weeks ago and additionally two weeks ago, and I also shared Nouwen’s idea that God-with-us gives us the ultimate example of being present with another in struggle. I want to continue with the idea of presence this week but in a confession about my hesitance to join in with others in their suffering.

I had to read the book A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser, a professor of religion at Whitworth, a couple of weeks ago for class. I think I highlighted half of the book, added stars next to really important highlighted sections, and dog-eared the corners of the most important highlighted sections. Basically, I wish I had read this after cancer, or even before writing my book because it touched on so many things that I felt and went through during and after the diagnosis. (Although actually, I’m glad I didn’t read it before I wrote my book because Sittser discusses things that I discussed, but he does it so well and eloquently that, had I read A Grace Disguised earlier, I don’t think I would have written my book because I could never say it as well as him.)

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Present in the Struggle, Part 2

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I wrote last week about the Woodiwiss family and the idea of being present with others in their struggles. I realize that the idea of “being present” seems a bit amorphous, without clearly defined steps one can take to actually be present…but I think that’s the point: in struggle, there’s not a list of steps for how to help another person or ways to fix the problem.

I read Henri Nouwen’s Compassion for one of my classes, and he writes so much on this idea of presence (among other topics in this book), so I’d recommend the book, but I’ll pass on a few of his words that struck me:

“…what really counts is that in moments of pain and suffering someone stays with us. More important than any particular action or word of advice is the simple presence of someone who cares. When someone says to us in the midst of a crisis, ‘I do not know what to say or what to do, but I want you to realize that I am with you, that I will not leave you alone,’ we have a friend through whom we can find consolation and comfort….we have lost the simple but difficult gift of being present to each other. We have lost this gift because we have been led to believe that presence must be useful.”

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Present in the Struggle, Part 1

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As promised in my last post about some of the more unhelpful (though semi-entertaining) things people said to me during cancer, this week I wanted to share what was conversely very helpful, but as I started writing and compiling everything, the post was becoming too long. So, this is the first in a short installment of posts on being present in the struggle.

The idea of “presence,” of people simply being with others in the struggle and alongside the struggle, has come up in many of the readings for my graduate courses both last semester and this spring semester. (Sidenote: by “presence,” I don’t mean “presents”…although the chemo day care packages my aunts sent me were pretty great alternatives to people tritely saying the wrong thing!) 

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