Tag Archives: Hodgkin’s

“You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” -Psalm 18:28

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What a great verse–I have always loved Psalm 18, and especially verse 28, but so much more right now in some days that don’t always seem so light. As I’ve said before, it is so awesome to me that God redeems even the laziest and most “unproductive” of our days by the world’s standards into something imbued with purpose. That said, I love how this Psalm chronicles all the ways the Lord has saved David–and Israel, too–and how it’s such a reminder that, every time, God is faithful! He HAS always rescued his people, and He WILL always turn their darkness into light.

And now, speaking of darkness…. The last few days have been the bad days (5 & 6), but, the best part about day 6 is at the end of the day (so, tonight) when there’s such relief that each day until the next treatment is going to at least be better than the previous one. That’s definitely something to look forward to. My dad has said again and again that, once this is all said and done and I have my last treatment in mid-May, the best part will be waking up each day and knowing that, on this day, I will feel better than before and will know what a gift feeling good is for each day. It’s all about perspective, I think we are learning. As for the extent of my feeling bad on this cycle’s days 5 and 6, it has not been the worst that I’ve had, but they were pretty unfortunate since I developed a cold somewhere in the last week, so instead of just feeling achy and lethargic like I had the flu this round, I actually felt the cold symptoms of that, too, this time. PTL that I have not had a fever, though–seriously, such a praise…especially since I am going home on Friday and then on to Baylor and OU before my next treatment on Thursday, February 5th. So, we will keep praying for healing, for no fever, and that the trip is a great one…slash, also that I don’t have to wear a surgical mask on the airplane. That would be real cool and all, but thinking about that makes me feel claustrophobic. 🙂

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“The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble…for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.” –Psalm 9:9-10

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Once again, hello from Wheaton! I wanted to quickly update about a couple things. First of all, PTL that the weather is warmer. And by warmer, I mean that it’s now in the positives–and hey! it looks like tomorrow’s high is actually ABOVE FREEZING! I don’t really know what to do with myself right now because I’m (sadly) so thrilled!

Secondly, I know so many have been praying, so I thought I should let you know that, if you’ve read the other posts, I am now officially “soaring on the wings of Jesus,” in the words of Madelyn as she tried to comfort me about the prospects of losing my hair. Actually, though, I was reading in Psalms last night and was at Psalm 17:8b which reads, “hide me in the shadow of your wings,” which is also a line from one of my favorite worship songs we sing at Wheaton called “Still.” SO, it turns out Madelyn’s theology wasn’t TOO far off; however, I’m pretty sure that Psalm 17:8b is David appealing for GOD to hide him in the shadow of His metaphorical wings rather than Madelyn’s encouragement that I could soar on the wings of Jesus, but she tried at least.

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“To the LORD I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the LORD sustains me” –Psalm 3:4-5

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Greetings from the frozen tundra that is currently Wheaton, IL. Tonight’s low is -11 degrees, with “wind chill values as low as -31.” I kid you not. Needless to say, I will NOT be going outside anytime soon. AND, how convenient to have an actual excuse this winter to avoid the negative temperatures: “my weakened immune system simply isn’t feeling like going outside.” 🙂

Anyway, despite the frigid cold and the fact that Christmas break is now officially over, it is good to be back. My dad and I made the drive up last Wednesday and Thursday, and we concluded the journey by seeing Wicked in Chicago (which was so good!) on Thursday night. Friday morning my dad and I had some time before my mom got in and treatment happened, so we went to a museum and enjoyed some time in the city. That afternoon, my mom flew up, and I had Chemo #3 on Friday afternoon. Saturday morning my dad flew back home–thankfully, since a ton of flights were cancelled over the weekend–and then my mom and I stayed busy with getting me ready for the semester and settling back in. Sunday morning we went to breakfast with her best friend Sandy Boulden, and afterwards, she took my mom to the airport to fly home, and apparently they cried all the way there. Despite the sadness of saying goodbye to the rest of my family, I actually felt pretty well on Saturday and Sunday–I think being pretty active was a good thing as far as keeping me distracted from any fatigue by having to focus on the many errands at hand. My mom was amazing in setting me up–she organized my food and cooking supplies, made me some meals to reheat for times when I don’t feel up to cooking, and was just great, in general. I love my family so much!

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“The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.” –Psalm 145:13b

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Happy New Year! So sorry it’s been a while, but I hope yall had blessed Christmases and New Year celebrations as well! We have enjoyed the holidays here in Fairview, and even more than the time to rest, I was thrilled with the 80 degree weather we had yesterday. In January. That’s amazing. (although, of course, it’s 43 right now. all good things must come to an end, apparently).

Anyway, how about a recap of the past week or so? I had my 2nd treatment on Wednesday (Christmas Eve) down in Dallas, and it was definitely a different experience than my treatment at Northwestern in Chicago, but it was such a blessing to get in even–especially on Christmas Eve. The doctor was a little more frank, but it gave my dad, my friend Caroline, and I some laughs as the doctor said, “You could be dead” in a very blunt manner. I mean, it’s a true statement when you think about it, but when sitting in a hospital room on Christmas Eve, it nevertheless made us laugh a little and say, “Well, yes, that’s true. I tell myself that every day when I wake up.” So, treatment happened, and I felt great on Christmas, which is a huge praise! Thanks for so many prayers for that! I got a little tired, but then again, at one point, about five of us McGinnis cousins were sleeping around my grandparents’ couches, so I can’t really say whether my fatigue was isolated to chemo or not. The day after Christmas (Friday) I also felt pretty well–again, just a little tired physically–or maybe drained is a better word, since it’s not like I was falling asleep at meals or anything, but I just felt fatigued.

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“But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge…” –Psalm 141:8

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Ok–this is one for the record books of the shortest post (to date). BUT, I just wanted to update about treatment #2. God really is so sovereign! Praise Him for His incredible peace, too. So, details were still not worked out until like 11:30am today about my 2nd treatment (that needed to happen tomorrow), and as much as my parents were on my case about getting it on the books, praise Him for working out all the details and completely giving me peace that, whether it fit into tomorrow or next Monday (thus changing every other treatment), He was sovereign. And He IS! So anyway, I was getting to 11:30am…so the scheduler from Dr. Fay’s office at the Baylor-Sammons Cancer Center in Dallas called again then and asked if 8:30 Wednesday (tomorrow) morning worked, to which I quickly assured her it was perfect. So, I have my 2nd treatment tomorrow morning at 8:30am. PTL!!!

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“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life…The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me…” -Psalm 138:7, 8

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Greetings, once again, from Fairview! It’s been an eventful past week or so, and I’m finally finding some time (and peace of mind) to sit down and give an update. With so much to tell, I think this one will be somewhat of a chronological look back over the past 8 days, starting with a week ago Saturday.

Let me first, however, start out by giving a shoutout to Erin Groth who, after reading my note in the last post about maybe wanting a snack because it was a long one, actually got out a bag of popcorn, popped it, and then continued to read my post. Haha, I love my friends.

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“O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption” -Psalm 130:7

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1 down, 11 to go. When you think of it like that, it’s manageable, right? Plus, “12” was always my number…I don’t know that you’d call it lucky, seeing as how I’ve had a very mediocre career at points in volleyball, but it is, nevertheless a very recurring number in my life, and as hokey as this sounds, it’s endearing. So, of course there WOULD be 12 chemos to go through.

This is going to be a long one. You might want a snack or to break this up over the next few days (when I will be silent on here due to EXAMMMSSS…grr). Let me give you a little more info and then I’ll talk about Chemo Numero Uno (number one for those of you outside of Texas…).

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“Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits–who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases” -Psalm 103:2-3

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The title of tonight’s post is a verse that my Aunt Erin sent to me among a great collection of verses about God’s power to heal and faithfulness, and it seems a fitting verse for this week as I am now finished with tests and all set to go for treatment on Thursday. I realized that Thursday will mark the first time of healing in this process rather than what up to this point has only been tests–prodding me with needles, coring me, or giving me all kinds of radioactive material possible for some sort of scan or other.

As I sat in 4 waiting rooms today, I watched a good amount of the day’s news while trying to work on a paper. Ultimately, I realized that there are 2 things I’m proud of tonight:
(1) I drank two whole bottles of barium sulfate “masked” by a “berry” flavoring–and I mean to tell you, I downed the liquid without a thought of gagging or throwing up–PTL. If you know me well, you know how great of a feat this is. Add this to the list of “10 foods I eat” that everyone is always asking me about expanding. (if you detect sarcasm about the barium sulfate and the fact that everyone thinks I eat only 10 foods, you are correct).
(2) I am also proud that, although I (temporarily) reside in the “Most Corrupt State in America,” I feel like I have come out fairly unscathed (although the jury on that has to wait another semester for the final verdict). Really though, who was surprised that an Illinois official did something corrupt?

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“The Lord watches over you — the Lord is your shade at your right hand” -Psalm 121:5

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“I got cored.” That’s what I told my mom and dad when I called them tonight after my bone marrow biopsy. (For those of you that get easily squeamish at medical procedures, skip ahead to the next paragraph). Back to the bone marrow biopsy. If you want to know what that means, it’s like coring an apple, hence my comment to my parents. Despite the fact that they numbed my back and nerves around my bone, I felt the pressure of them basically cork-screwing into my bone to extract a piece of that bone from my hip on the left side in the back. I felt like saying, “Hey, I wanted to KEEP all of my bones, thank you very much,” but I didn’t think that would be appropriate or appreciated. When extracted, it looked like a toothpick. It was maybe the most disturbing procedure I’ve ever had done, and I’m SO grateful to my teammate Kelly who went with me and helped distract me from thinking about what they were doing to me while I was laying there fully awake. Praise the LORD that they ended up only doing it to my left side; initially they planned to do it on the right side too (which might have made me want to pass out or hurt something), but then she said that the one was good enough since it didn’t really look like the lymphoma has spread to my bone marrow (PTL!). While it didn’t hurt too badly (but it is sore right now), it made me more than uncomfortable as I thought about what was actually happening. Other than Kelly blessing me, the other bright spot was that the nurse in there was an Aggie, so of course, I had an immediate bond with my fellow Texan (sidenote–she moved up here because she WANTED a change in seasons. That made me a little concerned that she was half-crazy as she did the procedure…it was 14 degrees this morning, and it gets worse. If you know me, you know how I feel about people volunteering to live in this freezer).

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“The Lord will keep you from all harm — He will watch over your life.” -Psalm 121:7

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Well, the big meeting with the oncologist has now come and gone, and at the end of a pretty long day, in looking back, once again, His faithfulness is so evident. I am so in awe of it again and again, and while that might be a bad reflection on my lack of trust (to be somehow surprised that He would be faithful) it’s still the case that I am amazed.

I was talking with my roommate Rachel tonight and we saw how, in looking at all of this, it’s totally a situation where “coincidence” happens far too often to attribute it to some mere random force of fate functioning in this broken world. Instead, I go back to the verse that made me cringe when editing our high school yearbook since just about every parent wanted their senior’s page at the end to list it: Jeremiah 29:11. While probably overquoted and made to fit any and every situation, it is nevertheless TRUE! Only He knows the plans for us, but they are to prosper us, NOT to harm us. Furthermore, these plans, despite their first impressions at times, are to give us a hope and a future. If nothing else, I cling to that verse and its hope, knowing that God’s got something bigger than me or my family going on here, and while cancer might be uncomfortable, painful, and just plain hard to deal with short-term, His plan is for our good, which, in the long run, I’m ok with–in fact, I want that. (which reminds me of Romans 8:28–shoutout to my TCA friends who could probably STILL sing that song from “The Great Race of Faith” from 4th grade with me).

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