Tag Archives: cancer

My Summer of Cliff Jumping

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I figure it’s time to give an update on life and let you know what I’ve been working on that I’ve hinted about and which I’m so excited about. Here we go!

For those wondering where I’m living right now and what I’m doing, I quit my teaching job in California at the end of the school year, which means that since June, I have been unemployed, though in a planned way. As everyone started heading back to school over the last week or so, I realized this year is only the fourth in my 30 years where I have not had a first day of school. The other three go to the year when I wrote my book between stints teaching in Hawaii and my first two years of life (yeah, I went to 2-year-old preschool…apparently someone needed a break).

There were many reasons I quit my teaching job, but one of the biggest was because I’m in the process of starting a non-profit, and I knew that with my seven different roles at school, it was never going to happen. It’s sort of how I felt when I knew I needed to write my book but also knew there was no way that was going to happen while teaching high school English (a.k.a. grading papers and reading literature in my “time off”). For the past two years, God’s been reminding me of my heart for those with cancer, and for more than a year, I’ve been working on a vision of starting a faith-based cancer retreat (more on that later!).

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On [The Grace of] Turning 30

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Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything here—and that’s for a couple of reasons.

1) I switched websites, and it’s still a little bit in shambles. The most frustrating part is that in the transfer, many of my old posts were lost. It sounds dramatic, but that’s been a bit painful because when I write, my words come from the heart. I pretty much fail all marketing guidelines which say to write short posts and publish them frequently so as to keep up a steady readership. I’ve always struggled with that, though, because I refuse to just write fluff in order to have published a post. So when I do post, it’s generally something that’s been on my heart for a while, something that comes from deep conviction and truth I’ve been learning. Losing those posts has gotten me a little disheartened and kept me away.

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A Complex Response for this Complex Life

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Nine months later, I’m still here, keeping my head above water as I enter the final quarter of this school year. I won’t get too deeply into the specifics of my move to San Diego or the minutiae of my journey back to teaching high school English, but per my last post—on not knowing where I’m going—it’s been amazing to look back and see how God led me here. That’s another post for another time since this post has been on my heart for the past 6 months. However, I’m out in San Diego, I’m teaching English again, and I’m exhausted but confident that God brought me here for some reason.

Aside from my move, my adjustment out of grad school and back into the classroom, and some other events in our family, the past 6-8 months have been marked by some significant challenges. I honestly believe I’ve cried more tears in the past 8 months than in the past 8 years combined.

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The Valley

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A year ago, I was in Israel, studying for 6 weeks with Wheaton in the Holy Lands. The trip began on May 17th and ran through June 28th, and we had to keep a daily journal of what we learned and did as part of the course, so I’ve been reading through each day’s journal entry one year later before I go to bed each night.

And wow. It’s been amazing for a number of reasons, but I’m finding that somehow the things I learned one year ago while in the Holy Lands are encouraging and teaching me each day today. The things I learned one year ago are really poignant for my life today, and as I read through each day’s journal entry from last year, it’s like the lessons from archaeological sites in Israel are casting light on my life at home in Fairview, Texas. Go figure. I think maybe the things I learned impacted me at the time, but since we learned so much and did so much in our typical 10-12 hour days “in the field,” it was hard to process everything, to make sense of it all and its impact on the rest of my life.

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It’s Been a Year

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I haven’t posted in a while–2 1/2 months, as I just discovered. Wow…that’s pretty bad, and I can’t believe it’s already October! I meant to post after my 5 year checkup (more on that in a post next week), but I wanted to sit on it for a few days and then things got busy and days turned into weeks, and I never did. I struggle sometimes with posting here consistently if I don’t feel that I have something to actually say that seems worth saying. I don’t want to add to the noise, but then I also know the best way to keep people reading is NOT by posting super infrequently.

Anyway, here we are. It’s October 2nd, and that means it’s a pretty big anniversary for a couple of reasons, so I thought I’d dedicate this post to anniversaries–for today and for my 5 year “cancerversary” (it’s a thing…don’t judge…cancer card).

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Happy National Cancer Survivors’ Day

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…or should I maybe make that “Happy [inter]National Cancer Survivors’ Day” since I’m in Israel…?

Either way, I hope it’s a great day! Things in Israel are going well–I’ll try to give a better update in the next week, but for right now, I wanted to briefly reflect on and celebrate what being a “survivor” has meant through sharing what I’m thankful for on this day.

On this, NCSD, I praise the Lord for 5 years of remission, 5 years of NOT having to sit through chemo, and 5 years of generally good health (despite what the Chicago winter did to my poor toes and fingers this year).

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Pilgrimages and Such…

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A ton has been going on in the past couple of weeks! My Wheaton grad school finals finished up last week, my mom came up to Chicago and helped me pack up plus drive 14 hours home, and this week I frantically unpacked my stuff in Texas only to run around North Dallas getting ready for my Wheaton in the Holy Lands trip. I’m currently at the Philadelphia airport on an 8 hour layover between DFW and Tel Aviv (so excited!). I’m spending the next 6 weeks with Wheaton in the Holy Lands (WIHL from here on out, cause I’m lazy…): 3 weeks in Israel, then 3 weeks combined in Turkey, Greece, and Rome studying the land of Paul and the early church.

I’m exhausted from the year in grad school and trying to finish up all of my pre-course reading and assignments for WIHL, but I’m so excited about this trip! I never studied abroad in undergrad because I was busy with volleyball and a ministry I helped get going, and in the summers I worked at Kanakuk. So, consider this my “study abroad” experience…even though I’m the only grad student going with around 40 undergrads… So basically, I’m the big sister on this trip. The study part ends in Rome, and my mom is flying over to meet me there. From Rome, we’re planning to get in as much of Europe as we can in two weeks. I plan to come home in 8 weeks, thoroughly exhausted but hopefully having seen some amazing things!

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Why “Getting Over” Cancer Isn’t a Thing

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First of all, it’s been a few weeks, but in that time, I got to write a guest blog post for PearlPoint, a cancer support organization. If you haven’t seen it, check out the post here, and also check out the resources PearlPoint has—from helpful blog posts to information on nutrition, diagnoses, clinical trials, and finding support.

Secondly: I submit to you that “getting over” cancer (or other trials) isn’t really a thing.

A few weeks ago, I hung out in downtown Chicago with a friend who was here for a conference. We went to elementary and middle school together as well as high school youth group at church. Through our church, we went on a couple of mission so trips together—one actually to Chicago (we stayed at Wheaton, even more coincidentally).

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Confession: I Am Still Vulnerable to Loss

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I’ve been talking about the necessity of being present with others in posts three weeks ago and additionally two weeks ago, and I also shared Nouwen’s idea that God-with-us gives us the ultimate example of being present with another in struggle. I want to continue with the idea of presence this week but in a confession about my hesitance to join in with others in their suffering.

I had to read the book A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser, a professor of religion at Whitworth, a couple of weeks ago for class. I think I highlighted half of the book, added stars next to really important highlighted sections, and dog-eared the corners of the most important highlighted sections. Basically, I wish I had read this after cancer, or even before writing my book because it touched on so many things that I felt and went through during and after the diagnosis. (Although actually, I’m glad I didn’t read it before I wrote my book because Sittser discusses things that I discussed, but he does it so well and eloquently that, had I read A Grace Disguised earlier, I don’t think I would have written my book because I could never say it as well as him.)

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Medal Round: Top 3 (un)Helpful Things People Said

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In honor of the Winter Olympics, I thought I’d share with you my top  three favorite things people told me when I was going through cancer…and by that, I mean these are the three statements that were meant comfortingly but probably should have just been replaced by a hug and silence. 

Lest this sound too cynical, know that I understand these words were spoken from sincerity and out of a loss for the right words to say, so I’m not bitter at all. However, there are times when, if you don’t know what to say, sometimes it’s just best to admit that and give someone a hug (but more on that in my next post!).

So, here we go with the bronze, silver, and gold of my favorite things people said followed by my (sarcastic and internal) response.

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