Greetings, once again, from Fairview! It’s been an eventful past week or so, and I’m finally finding some time (and peace of mind) to sit down and give an update. With so much to tell, I think this one will be somewhat of a chronological look back over the past 8 days, starting with a week ago Saturday.

Let me first, however, start out by giving a shoutout to Erin Groth who, after reading my note in the last post about maybe wanting a snack because it was a long one, actually got out a bag of popcorn, popped it, and then continued to read my post. Haha, I love my friends.

As so many were praying for it, you might recall that last Saturday (December 13th) we had our volleyball banquet. I was definitely a little beat and tired, but felt good, was able to attend, and had so much fun, so thanks for so many prayers! It was seriously SUCH a blessing to be there, have some closure on the past 12 years of my life in my volleyball career, and have a blast with my teammates and all of our dates. Afterward we came to my house (in Wheaton), where my mom–who deserves an award definitely–had been baking cookies and decorating and helping me with everything, and the day continued as we decorated cookies and had a group-gingerbread house competition (which, Brooke, Sarah, Harrison, and I most definitely won). NOW, I am officially a has-been. Anyway, so Saturday was a good day, PTL!

On to Sunday (Dec. 14th)…it was going well–I dropped my mom off at the airport and then headed out to Aurora for our Christmas Klub with Aurora K-Life, which was great. However, when I made it back to my house, all the feeling great from Friday and Saturday caught up with me and I just felt exhausted. That’s sadly the best that I can describe it–I didn’t throw up or think I was going to, but I was just BEAT. Sunday night, all of Monday, and Tuesday morning were pretty much spent with me laying in my bed feeling pretty awful. Starting Monday, I just felt bad–kinda like I had the flu (I didn’t)–but just my whole body was aching, at one point I literally thought I was going to black out, and I was pretty shaky. Tuesday morning at 8am I had an exam, at which I told my prof: “there is no possible way I can pass this exam right now” and she told me I didn’t have to take it right then but could have my mom proctor it from home. Then I told her I didn’t know if I could do this, but I wanted to hug her, and I did. Honestly, I could not have done this semester without the incredible grace my professors have shown me. I was floored by their grace, and I can’t thank them enough for it nor imagine having been any other place. I have a hard time asking for help because I feel like I should’ve been able to do it but just made bad choices to lead to a point where I need an extension or something, but they made it easy and have truly influenced how I hope to respond to students of mine in the future. Praise the Lord for my Wheaton professors. (And on the note of finishing this semester, I have a couple more things pending which I am working on getting in throughout the next week or so).

Ok, so I was saying how Sunday things hit me, and I felt pretty bad through when I left Wheaton at noon on Tuesday. Getting out of town was made possible wholly by my one of my co-counselors from this summer at Kanakuk K-West who literally packed for me as I sat on my futon. (Shoutout to Lo for being amazing, and also to the rest of the Fab 4). Anyway, Stef (my teammate/roommate/etc.) and I DID get out of there, but as we left, we started on probably the worst road trip of all the ones we’ve taken, due to awful weather (which included ice, snow, freezing rain, dense fog, and rain) which made the drive a couple hours longer than the estimated 15 hours. Stef is another one without whom I could not have done the last week–but for a meagre 3 or 4 hours I drove, she drove all the rest, navigated the crazy weather and roads, put up with my whining, and didn’t flinch as I started throwing up with 2 hours left of our drive. On that event–for the first time in my life, I got carsick. Real fun. And so sorry for those of you that deal with that on a regular basis. Ughhh. OH–ALSO to throw into that mix, I had a pounding headache for Tuesday and Wednesday (and at other points), and I knew my sinuses were messed up, so PTL for my nurse Michelle who got me a Z-pack (sp?) of antibiotics for my sinus infection. (I actually had mentioned that to the ENT back in November–that I had all this sinus pressure and was pretty sure from having them before that I had a sinus infection, but somewhere along the lines with uncovering cancer, that was sideswept…go figure).

All of that whining right now is to say that, there were some pretty rough days and nights packed into last week, but praise the Lord that His joy comes with the morning. As simple as that sounds, in long nights, I have to cling to that. Tuesday night as I was awake with a headache, I was just praying so hard that He would cease the pain, and as frustrated as I was with the pounding, I got a text from my teammate Kelly who reminded me (unsolicited–give it up for God’s great timing) of Philippians 4:6-7, which both happen to have been HUGE verses in my life over the past year or so, about not being anxious about ANYTHING but giving EVERYTHING up to Him in prayer. I love what follows: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” What a great verse to get when you’re laying there, annoyed by the pounding in your head but unable to do a thing about it except worry (which probably just perpetuates the problem), and yet, I was called out of my self-pity there to remember that, even with a sinus infection and just feeling like crap, God is sovereign, we are not supposed to worry, and He gives peace. And He did, and I slept. 🙂

Anyway, so somehow, amidst all the mess that I was feeling, we made it home. I have never been SO happy to pull into my driveway and crash on our couch, let me tell you. And crash is pretty much what I did for Thursday and for Friday morning. Thursday I still felt a little nauseous, but it was only really there in the afternoon. Friday I felt GREAT–praise the LORD! Of significance on Thursday was my trip with my mom to my hairdresser’s house. She had called and said she would cut it there, even though it was her day off, and so my mom and I went, and my hair is now 14 inches shorter. I don’t think my hair’s been this short since I was like 3 years old, but Melissa (my hairdresser) was great, and actually–here’s another blessing–she volunteered with the American Cancer Society in college, so she had all kinds of tips and info and compassion for us. God is so good–even in the small things! So anyway, the reason for “the big chop” was that my doctor had told me that, with such thick hair, it might just thin. My nurse told me it’s pretty standard that I’ll lose my hair, but the nurse practitioner added that, since mine was so long, the weight of it might break some hair off that I wouldn’t otherwise lose, so I should cut it. So, while we’re praying that I won’t lose my hair, it is definitely short, but it’s growing on me (pun intended). If I do lose it, it should be 14-18 days after my first treatment, which for the viewers at home, means we’re praying that Christmas morning I WON’T wake up and find hair on my pillow.

If you’ve heard the song “Skin” by Rascal Flatts and thought it was a little over-dramatic, what with the girl finding it “right there on her pillow–the cruelest of any surprise,” apparently that’s actually what happens. On that note, I thought I would throw in two of my favorite hair-related quotes from my little sister Madelyn, who is helping us keep our senses of humor in this whole thing (which we’ve been told is actually really important in this process of recovery): (1) on if I go bald: “Don’t worry, Hannah, worst-case-scenario, you’ll look like a naked mole rat” (that, apparently, was supposed to be comforting, she said) (2) again, on how losing hair is not so fun: “You’re gonna be pretty like a bald eagle and soar on the wings of Jesus.” Both times, my family and I looked at each other, then at Madelyn, and didn’t QUITE know what to say. In regards to the second quote, none of us were aware that Jesus had actual wings, but Madelyn is…Madelyn.

Anyway, I digress. We’re on to Friday–this was the first day (after the initial two when I felt decent) that I felt great, which was a huge blessing because I had some of my high school friends over for a party that night, and we had tons of fun reminiscing and getting caught up. 🙂 Oh–another thing to throw into the mix (hope this isn’t TMI), but I had started taking birth control Sunday to maybe help lower the risks of infertility (which are lower than 10% to begin with), but there’s nothing really proven at all on whether it helps or not. So, after reading on the label that it can make you feel nauseous for the first three months you take it, and remembering that I’m only doing chemo for the next six months and will be feeling nauseous as is, we decided to kick birth control to the curb, so Friday was my first day back off of it. I don’t know if there was a direct correlation to my starting to feel crappy on Sunday (the day I started taking the pill) and feeling great again on Friday (the day I didn’t take the pill), but needless to say, we’re done with that mess. My mom pointed out that, if we really believe that God is the life-giver, we’re just going to pray that I don’t have any problems with infertility down the road (but again, that might have been TMI). Really though, I share all of that to point out that, hopefully, not every treatment will hit me with such a delay like this one did–hopefully that was the birth control making me feel wretched. In fact, my nurse said that, after the first 48 hours, the threat for nausea isn’t really too much from chemo.

Back to chronology: Saturday (yesterday) I felt great for the second day in a row, and we actually got BACK in my car and drove down to Houston and its massive surrounding areas for the Cunningham family Christmas party on my mom’s side, and I didn’t have a moment of car-sickness, PTL! I got to see most family from that side, bond with my Aunt Jill as she rode with us to Houston, and hang out with my McGinnis cousins and their parents for a couple hours, so it was fun. We got back from Houston/Pearland/Crosby/Huffman tonight, met up with my dad and Katie who had just gotten in from their long drive in from Atlanta where Katie just finished her internship, and we had dinner together, which is always fun, and pretty rare of an event.

On to plans for the next treatment: bummer that the hospital Dr. Fay in Dallas is at (Baylor-Sammons?) is closed on the 26th, so that leaves us with major prayers that we can get in on the 24th–Christmas Eve. That kinda sucks, but we’d rather keep to our schedule then change to the next Monday and then have to do all subsequent treatments on Mondays (Thursdays work because I’ll have class on Thursday morning and then have till the next Tuesday to recover before I have class again). Anyway, so if you could be praying that things fall into place…pretty much tomorrow…so that I can have treatment #2 on this Wednesday the 24th, that would be huge. They had to clear stuff with insurance here first, and then the doctor was on vacation, so tomorrow (Monday) we’re hoping to line that one up.

This upcoming week, while a little crazy with a pending treatment and Christmas shopping which has definitely not been a priority lately and is now stacking up, is still so huge for reasons beyond me or cancer. Thanks to Dr. Cohick and my 1 Corinthians class for reminding me of the imperative of this week for each of our lives; I wrote my final research paper for that class on the cross of Christ as the center for ethics in 1 Corinthians, and researching the necessity of the cross for our faith got me thinking on the how important God even sending His Son to us was in the first place. Call me sentimental, but the past month has shifted what’s important in some ways–and this is (prayerfully) not really a life-threatening condition for me even–but nevertheless, amidst craziness all around, you just have to find peace in Him and let go of trying to order every detail to fit into your day; if it doesn’t get done at this point, it doesn’t get done, and that’s a recent philosophy for my family, I think. Anyway, amidst everything else that’s going on–in my life and in yours–I’ve been struck again and again with the truth that God remains the same and is still sovereign, and somehow, that reminds me of Christmas right now at this late hour. Really, though, without Him sending His Son, there is absolutely no point to any trials, hardships, or suffering we go through, and that’s a truth I really KNOW right now. His gift is everything, and I definitely forget that. Leave it to cancer to remind me of the truths I’ve learned in Sunday school since I was able to breathe. So, that’s my pithy reminder for you, too, during this time. Also, praise the Lord that He is not like Santa Claus, dishing out gifts for the good and coal for the bad. PTL that He does not operate on a year-to-year basis of naughty and nice, though I think we think of him like Santa sometimes. All I know is that there’d be a whole lot of coal in my stocking, so praise the Lord for grace–seriously (remember my comments about finishing this semester).

I kinda had a few prayer requests dispersed throughout this post, but as a recap: for scheduling treatment number 2 this week in Dallas, that the effects of that would be nonexistent (and for no delayed effects, either!), and lastly, that we’d have some great family time this week and forget about the stress. Y’all are such a blessing. You don’t even know. I say that and you probably think I’m just being patronizing, but seriously, a good friend once said, “encouragement is like oxygen to the soul” (E!) and that’s so true. So thank you dearly, and know that I am working on responding to a ton of you. God bless, don’t stress, and have a great day!

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

Hannah