1 down, 11 to go. When you think of it like that, it’s manageable, right? Plus, “12” was always my number…I don’t know that you’d call it lucky, seeing as how I’ve had a very mediocre career at points in volleyball, but it is, nevertheless a very recurring number in my life, and as hokey as this sounds, it’s endearing. So, of course there WOULD be 12 chemos to go through.

This is going to be a long one. You might want a snack or to break this up over the next few days (when I will be silent on here due to EXAMMMSSS…grr). Let me give you a little more info and then I’ll talk about Chemo Numero Uno (number one for those of you outside of Texas…).

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers on the timing and scheduling of this. As I mentioned before, God’s definitely had His hand in this from long ago, but daily as new details happen, it’s so cool to see so many answered prayers. I got off the phone with my Chemo nurse within the last hour, and we got sessions 3 through 12 on the books, so, while I’ll be updating with reminders as each draws closer, I’ll give you the broad overview anyway: Friday, January 9th in Chicago I will have chemo #3–which lets my teammate/former roommate/roadtrip partner extraordinaire Stef and I still spend time at home but only have to get up to school a couple days earlier than we need to be anyway. From there on out, all the others will be on Thursdays at 12pm Central–which is great because then I can go to my 8:30-10:20am class, head to the hospital, and then have time to make it to practice at 5:30 for the 14’s club volleyball team I’m coaching with my amazing freshman teammate Brooke (mad props to her for following through and coaching the last 3 practices alone during all of my testing–even there God definitely had His hand in this, since it’s not what she signed up for, and yet she’s handled it like a pro and with incredible grace). If that sounds like a crazy day to you, you must remember that I am a McGinnis, and life at any other pace would be disorienting. That said, slowing down today has already been hard, so there’s another request for prayer–that I’d allow myself to slow down and just rest.

Ok, I was getting into the dates of all of my chemos for you to put on the schedule if you want (no pressure…I’m just a girl who functions by my planner), but I got sidetracked (SHOCK)…must be the phenomenon they call “Chemo brain” where you become forgetful. GOOOOOOOD. Since it’s not like I’m medicated for that ANYWAY or anything…. Here are the dates though:

Chemo 2: Friday, (tentatively…workin on that one still) December 26th in Dallas
Chemo 3: Friday, January 9th, 2pm in Chicago
Chemo 4: Thursday, January 22nd, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 5: Thursday, February 5th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 6: Thursday, February 19th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 7: Thursday, March 5th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 8: Thursday, March 19th, 12pm in Chiago (SO great that I avoid having it right before my cousin Elaine’s wedding on March 15th–praise the Lord!)
Chemo 9: Thursday, April 2nd, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 10: Thursday, April 16th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 11: Thursday, April 30th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 12: Thursday, May 7th, 12pm in Chicago (and Sunday, May 10th, GRADUATION!!!)

Ok so here are the details (or lack thereof) on Chemo #2: It’s not actually QUITE on the books yet because we are going to do that one in Dallas–again, another praise! On that, Dr. Gordon told us yesterday that he was having lunch with a doctor from Dallas last weekend and was going to pass my name on to him but wanted to make sure we had not found another doctor in Dallas for the one appointment over Christmas break yet. So, when we said we had not and that we wanted to go with whoever he recommended, he said he would go ahead and get the info passed on to Dr. Fay in Dallas. SO, the cool story here, and one more “coincidence” that you can only see as being part of God’s provision, is the fact that the very first morning we found out (the day before Thanksgiving)–if you remember I was at the mall with my friend Caroline (shoutout for the BEAUTIFUL Kwanzaa flower bouquet)–well, Caroline’s mother, Patrice Shelby had told my mom she knew a phenomenal cancer doctor named Dr. Fay. My mom thinks Patrice said something like, “Dr. Fay is YOUR GUY if you end up doing it here.” Great minds think alike, I do believe. Patrice said that Dr. Fay was their neighbor for a while and is one of the best in Dallas, so it’s awesome that, at some conference for international research held in San Fransisco over the weekend, just one more confirmation of God’s faithfulness happened in a meeting between two oncologists from opposite poles of the country. God is GOOD!

OKAY. Now on to what I think you are wondering: how am I DOING today? Let me say first, that chemo is not as scary as you think, PTL. I really didn’t know what to expect, but basically, for around 2 hours, you sit with an IV in your arm, and the nurse–Michelle Balla who is amazing!–pushes the A, V, and B drugs with a syringe, followed by an hour-long drip of the D drug. One of the weirdest things in all of this has been the few times where I’ve been like, “wow, this is actually HAPPENING.” Not that I’ve been in denial, but it’s a little surreal. When they made an announcement in chapel about it, even though I knew they’d be praying for me, it was like an out-of-body experience. They said, “We just found out last week that senior Hannah McGinnis, who many of you might know as the Co-Captain of the volleyball team was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma…” and I turned to my teammate Ashlie–who I’m SO glad sat with me that day–and did tear up because it was this crazy thought of, “that’s ME they’re talking about up there.” Just strange. So, I think that was my experience in the hospital yesterday. I literally e-mailed my 1 Corinthians professor my final research paper at 11:30am, then I drove to the airport to pick up my mom, and from there we just made it in time to Northwestern at 1:30. As crazy and maybe over-the-top as that sounds, again with the way I’ve grown up, it’s normal, and yesterday was really a blessing because I literally had no time to worry or even let it set in that I was going to chemo. So we got in the elevator to go up and I was like, “wow, this is IT…it all begins today.” It was, again, a little surreal as it just seemed kinda ordinary, less painful than any of the darn scans and biopsies they did (at the time they were given) and was weird to look up at a normal looking IV and think, “hmmm that’s the poison, it’s moving into me, and it’s healing me. THAT’S chemo.” All that to give you a little picture into my crazy mind. 🙂 Really though, people do it everyday, and it’s just less scary than the connotation that “scary Chemo” seems to hold.

(Intermission to tell you that, I’m so sorry these keep getting longer and longer…thanks for sticking through both the posts and the whole process with me and my family).

So, TODAY: I slept in because I was so tired, only leaving myself 25 minutes to get to class (which on a normal day would leave me with 5 minutes to spare), and yet, was smacked with the reality that this WILL slow me down. I’ve told people today that the best way I can describe how I feel is this: you know when you have a stomach bug and the first day you throw up and feel wretched, followed by the second day where you’re no longer throwing up but just feeling “sick,” out of it, weak, and tired? I am in day 2 of a stomach bug, metaphorically speaking. I haven’t thrown up–Praise the Lord!–but I did take…oh, about 5 drugs this morning followed by like 6 others throughout the day. They say that the chemo drugs are only in you for 48 hours post-treatment, so tomorrow is still a potential for nausea, so please pray that I make it through my banquet!

My mom (who was NOT LATE on her flight–PTL!) and I ran some errands because, basically, so far, our experience with chemo has been that when it starts, life keeps coming at you, so she helped me get stuff for our Banquet from all over the suburbs of Chicago. She’s been a HUGE help, and I can’t imagine her not being here for this first one. Also, as she felt bad for me this morning, knowing that, as she says, I have more on my plate than I could be doing MINUS chemo (exams, banquet, packing, driving home on Tuesday, etc.), she called American and asked to get a flight out Saturday or Sunday preferably. After about 30 seconds post-giving out her existing reservations to the agent, she lost it. And by “lost,” I mean, was like, “I have…I’m sorry…..Ok, I have a daughter….I’m so sorry (15 second pause)…my daughter just had her first chemo yesterday….” And with that, the lady switched over, talked to a manager, and waved any fees for transferring the flight or increase of fares. God is so good. And I think my mom’s sobbing helped. It’s hard to see your parents cry at any point, and especially when it’s over you and just out of pure love. I am so thankful for my parents and family–I can’t even explain it. All of that to say, my mom has been a HUGE help and will be over the next 2 days, so PTL for His better plans and for all of your prayers. Also, continued prayers for my family in all of this would be seriously so HUGE.

One more thought: In case you didn’t know or I didn’t explain well yet, let me tell about yet another reason why God is great (I’m on chemo brain, and actually kinda frustrated that I can’t TALK…or more am fumbling around for correct words when I speak–very annoying for an English major who has, usually, an affinity for grammar, so forgive me for my stream-of-consciousness here). Anyway, Wheaton College was NOT my first choice. In fact, I told my parents sometime in my junior year of high school that I didn’t want to go to Wheaton because I didn’t want to teach at TCA (I had had GREAT Wheaton grads as teachers at TCA–Gro, Merrylegs shoutout, but I didn’t want to be “stuck” in Dallas or having to teach or especially being back at TCA someday, having spent the past 13 years there at that point). Anyway, my parents laughed and said, “Hannah, how many Wheaton grads do you know that teach at TCA?” to which I replied, “4.” They then reassured me that, at a school of around 3000 undergrads, there were only marginal chances that I’d be one of those four teachers at TCA. How ironic that I am now hoping and applying to teach high school English in a private school and would like to be back at TCA (eventually). Anyway, all of that to say, I’ve alluded to how it’s taken me a while to get on board with God’s plan of me being at Wheaton due to some stubbornness on my part, but we cannot imagine me being ANYWHERE ELSE. The announcement and weekly prayer in chapel; professors who read the blog, pray for me with their families and with the class; the President who sent me a letter yesterday telling me he was praying for me and reminding me to lean hard on Him through this; the Interim Dean of Students who e-mailed me with a subject of “What can we do for you?”; all these are just a fraction of the reasons why I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is right where I’m supposed to be. Love how it takes me to my last semester or two to really see that. I’m so stubborn, but He is SO good! He promises again and again that He is faithful, and while we may not always see that right away–or even ever on this side of Heaven sometimes–for the times He does show us, all you can do is just KNOW that He is truth, sovereign, and so amazing that you just can’t wait to meet Him face to face. No other school of the three others that I applied to–while great schools, (and I still secretly LOVE Carolina blue plus the Tar Heels and am so jealous of the Aggie spirit and traditions) would have had the student body praying for me, and at a school with over 50,000 students, I don’t think the president would write me that He’s praying for me. So, as much as I make fun of being at Wheaton in this, my 17th year of private, Christian, school, I know (bout time, Hannah!) exactly where I need to be. And for that, I just KNOW that God is SO good!

Ok, this is super-long. Like, the length places this post in a category all of its own. Sorry. 🙂
For prayer requests: I’ve already covered a few throughout this (unless you got tired of my babbling and just jumped to the end for prayer requests, so I’ll review): prayer for no nausea tomorrow, that we would figure out the details of my treatment in Dallas (since 2 Thursdays from yesterday is Christmas so I would have to do it the day before or after Christmas, and since I think, “who wants to feel like day 2 of a stomach bug on Christmas morning?!?” we’re hoping it works out to be on the 26th, that Friday). Also, I mentioned for my mom, but just continued prayers for my parents (Kevin and Brenda if you don’t know their names…this blog has expanded in scope so if you’re a semi-stranger, sorry for leaving out some details along the way) and my two sisters, Madelyn (16) and Katie (23 and who’s in Atlanta going through this alone, distance-wise). Also, while you’re at it, my extended family could probably use prayer, too, since we’re all really close, and though they are technically “extended” family, we’ve nevertheless grown up together…and a few of us live only a couple miles apart, so it’s been hard for them, too.

Lastly, here’s some information first, then the prayer: In about a week, my blood counts (white and red) will drop due to the fact that I’ve been poisoned (in a good way…sounds so wrong), and so I’ll be susceptible to infections. Now, Dr. Gordon is so knowledgeable and really wants patients to keep living life, so I won’t have to skip every chapel nor avoid every crowd of over 10 people or anything. In fact, most of the infections I could get would come from my own system, since with blood counts down, your body isn’t fighting off the 80% of infections encountered that it does everyday and we never know that our body has just vanquished. I mean, I’m not gonna say, “go ahead, please use my sleeve for your runny nose,” or anything, but I don’t have to be a germaphobe (sp? actual word, even?–Madelyn can keep dibs on that attribute for now). BUT, it’s another long-term prayer request that I wouldn’t get sick through this whole process. Once my counts go down next week, they will stay down throughout the whole process–I mean, they will rise again a little (thus the 2 week intervals), but it’s safe to continue treating with low counts, and yet, a minor sickness to anyone else could mean a stay in the hospital for me. There are so many aspects of healing to pray for–the end result of being in remission and free of my not-so-friendly resident Hodgkin’s disease (or as some support shirts boast of the end goal: “I kicked cancer’s butt”–another sidenote: I fully intend to buy one of those), but also prayer for limited–or even nonexistent (hey, there’s a bold prayer!) side-effects, and that I won’t get OTHER infections along the way. Complicated, I know. For me personally, continued prayer for perseverance, and especially to know my limits. To be very real for a moment, one of my greatest weaknesses is over-committing, which sounds not so bad, but it is when I spread myself too thin and then shortchange each area in which I’m involved. I can’t say no; not because I’m so good at heart and really selfless–no, no, only because I am pretty much Katherine Heigl’s character Jane in 27 Dresses who just doesn’t have the courage to say no, and then shoots herself afterward for saying yes. Anyway, this IS going to slow me down, and when it does, I’d love prayer to rest in just where God has me, to know my limits, and to accept them with grace. And, (last one, this time I mean it when I promise) that I would lean on Him and bring Him glory in this with all of the opportunities to share His faithfulness and name, that I would take hold of those instead of taking them for myself and my own gratification.

Like I mentioned before, it’s been really humbling to see how He’s using me when I feel so inadequate to be sharing with people twice my age–let alone my OWN age–but, as singer-songwriter Justin McRoberts shared in chapel at Wheaton on Monday: “Jesus Christ will never call you to a work that you CAN do on your own without Him; yet, He will never call you to something you CAN’T do WITH HIM. The goodness of God is better than the problems of the world.” Amen. Justin’s got something there, and I think that’s how I’ve been at peace–God won’t put something on me that I can’t handle with Him taking me through it (1 Corinthians 10:13), and yet, He also won’t give me anything that is so easy that I can just breeze through it, collect all the credit, and keep going. I’m gonna have to rely on Him daily, and I love the last line of what that singer said: the goodness of God totally trumps every bad situation in this world.

Love you, thank you, and miss you. Thanks for your faithfulness to me and my family, and have a blessed weekend! (And you can take a breath now, I am finished). 🙂

On Christ the solid rock I stand,

Hannah