So, it’s definitely been a while. I looked at the date of the last post–April 5th–and realized that was an obscenely long time ago, so I should probably get on an update! A fair amount has gone on, and the last week or so has been crazy, so I’ll go back and highlight some of the bigger points, starting from where I left off, at Easter.

I went home and got to spend Thursday night through Tuesday morning at home. I realized when home that, though technically I’d been there at two other times in the semester, both were while passing through and for less than 24 hours. So it was nice to rest and relax at home…at least as much as you can when thrown back into the craziness/busyness of home. I actually didn’t sleep a whole lot leading up to Easter, and while I was home I certainly did not catch up, so I was a little beat when I got back. And by “I didn’t sleep a whole lot,” I mean I was getting 7 hours of sleep a night instead of the 9 or 10 that I have so come to look forward to during this semester–the one good side-effect (aside from being able to do my “hair” for nicer events and then let it sit on a stand while I finish my makeup).

Anyway, despite the lack of sleep over Easter, I got to see some of my best friends, watch Madelyn’s team play volleyball, eat a LOT of Mi Cocina and Pei Wei, and enjoy being in Dallas. I just love that place! The Easter service at Bent Tree was actually really good and another highlight–and I say “actually” good because I think sometimes I tune out on Easter, knowing it’s a “seeker-sensitive” day and that the message will be geared to that point. But, this service was really good, and Pete talked about needing a resurrection–for Christ physically and in each of our lives, not just for salvation, but also in times when we need renewal, which I think a good amount of us do right now. Also, we sang “My Hope is Built on Nothing Less,” which, if you’ve caught on, is how I end these posts, and I just love that song. If you don’t know it, it says “On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.” I think that’s a huge anthem that I just love to belt out and proclaim, affirming how true it is. ALL other ground is sinking sand, as I’ve seen by trying to rely on myself for strength or on a title for purpose or on others for affirmation. However, it’s all sinking sand compared to the solid Rock that is Jesus Christ and being rooted in Him. Amen to that song.

So anyway, that was Easter. I arrived back to school, did the usual routine, and then had treatment number 10 on Thursday, April 16th in Chicago. Yes, we have officially made it to double digits-PTL!!! Friday, April 17th, my friend Harrison and I drove up to the Twin Cities in Minnesota (my first trip to the state!) because he had some interviews up there and Madelyn’s volleyball team was playing in a National Qualifier in Minneapolis. Actually, Harrison is the ONLY one who drove, so shoutout to him and his excellent chauffeuring and service to me there! I got to surprise Madelyn–the look of confusion she gave me from the side of the court when she saw me standing with my parents was priceless–and I also got to hang out with my parents some, so that was a blessing as well. Sidenote that my mom and I went to the Mall of America, which, if you’re a girl from shop-happy Dallas, is something worth doing at least once in your life, so that was fun! Madelyn’s team qualified for Nationals, so they were ecstatic, and after that, we packed up and drove home on Monday April 20th.

Last week was one of academia. Yes, I have had it pretty well this semester, given the circumstances. One class does not build up a large amount of stress or work, which is a good thing, due to chemo brain and my inability to concentrate. Last week, however, was fairly stressful, as I finished and turned in my senior seminar paper, which was huge–PTL for Him giving me the focus to get that done! Thankyou thankyou thankyou for your prayers for focus–seriously, I could not have done that on my own. It was hard enough to finish reading through questions on an exam and stay focused the whole time I read the question itself, so finishing that paper was a struggle, so thanks again! I also finally passed my English departmental exam…you really do not want to engage me in a discussion about my feelings towards that exam. All you need to know is that only two departments at Wheaton make you take senior exams, mine being one of them, and that it is supposed to evaluate what they have taught you, yet they make you study and take it till you pass. Praise the Lord that I passed at last. 🙂

We had a volleyball tournament with my 14s club team this weekend, and it was the last one I can go to aside from practices, so it was a looonnnngg day, but it was fun in retrospect, and I had some good talks with a couple girls. We had our final Klub night for Aurora K-Life, which was weird and yet cool to reflect on how God orchestrated a K-Life beginning up here in the Chicagoland area while I’ve been here. I had the last class that I actually had to participate in on Tuesday–we had debates in my Christian Thought class, so while I will go to class tomorrow and take my final next Thursday, I am done with regular class and participating. A whole lot of lasts. A week from tomorrow, my mom and sister Katie will fly in, followed by my parents and grandparents the next day. As graduation comes closer, I’m definitely seeing more of the reality that life is about to change in a big way. I have little money in my bank account (darn “no boyfriend money” is running out), I don’t have a job, and I am fixing to be done with schooling (at least for now), which has been my life up to this point. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I am SOOOO looking forward to my LAST chemo, which is two weeks from tomorrow!!!! PTL. That’s all I can say to that.

So, yes, if you think that through, it means that treatment number 11 is tomorrow. HALLELUJAH! 2 more. At this point, I am very encouraged that the end is near. The last few treatments–really treatments 9 and 10–have been difficult just in knowing that I am so close to being finished, and yet, there was still a lot of time before the process would end. Plus, I feel like, due to many years of a day-planner, I function by 2 week intervals. So, I can visually see the final treatment in my head right now because tomorrow is 11 and the final one is now within that 2 week span. However, a LOT is going to happen before then. As far as how I’ve been feeling, they say that the effects get cummuluatively worse, and while I don’t know that they have been phenomenally worse the past few times, I did notice feeling a little worse this last treatment. I threw up on Saturday, which was a little disconcerting since I’ve only done that a couple times in this whole process, and since Saturday was way beyond the “feeling-bad” days for me, so it came a little out of nowhere. Luckily, I didn’t have a fever, so that’s a praise.

Back to the rundown of life: after treatment and meeting with the doctor tomorrow (which my mom will fly up for), we will spend the night downtown. Friday morning, my mom and I fly home to Dallas because I am going home for my co-captain from my TCA volleyball team’s wedding. Fun fact that you don’t need to know: I have been gone the weekend before final exams (this weekend) for the past 3 years due to weddings. Apparently this is the weekend to get married–just a head’s up. So, after attending the wedding and taunting Madelyn as she heads to prom on Saturday, I’ll fly back here on Sunday to recover (Sunday will be day 4) and get ready for my exam–that’ll be a process to study for since I won’t feel well for a few prime study days.

Hopefully I will update sometime before the chaos that will ensue after my exam, but I’ll at least give you a rundown of how things will look in case I don’t. My final is Thursday May 7th, and my mom and Katie will be here. Friday we’re having a brunch, then graduation rehearsal, then my dad, Madelyn, and grandparents will come in. Saturday my family will get to meet my amazing professors who have not only instructed me with such wisdom, but who have shown me incredible grace and support in this process, so I’m excited for that. Sunday, May 10th, Mother’s Day, is graduation! Why Wheaton decides to do graduation on a Sunday when they don’t even open the library on Sundays is beyond me. Anyway, since it’s on Sunday, my family all has to get back to get to work and school on Monday, so they’ll stay at the airport hotel that night and take the 6am flights to Dallas and Colorado Springs Monday morning, leaving me to pack, clean, and do some final hanging out with friends for a while. Thursday, May 14th is my final treatment. What a day that will be. So, there’s a good amount to pack in there, but I will definitely try to update before then.

Last things: With all of the upcoming travel, and with the swine flu that just today caused the Fort Worth school district to cancel all schools for a week, I would once again LOVE prayers for protection from illness or sickness. I’m a little alarmed that it’s hit otherwise-healthy people in a big way, and since I pretty much don’t have an immune system, I seriously covet your prayers for health. Also on the topic of health, there’s a nerve in my left leg, from my knee down to my outer ankle bone that is twinged right now. My leg isn’t numb, but it drives me crazy to stand and it hurts a fair amount right now. We’re not sure if that’s due to the chemo drugs (they told me it could affect nerve endings in my fingers and toes, so who knows!), or if it’s just because I overused the nerve somehow. So, prayers there would be great–more than pain, when there’s nerve stuff happening, it just makes me so crazy with annoyance almost. I would love prayer for safety in the travel–for me, my family, and for all the families that will be heading this way and all the students heading home soon, too.

Finally, I’ll throw in another “while-you’re-at-it” prayer, as I like to call them: for wisdom, discernment, and trust as I’m trying to figure out where He’s leading me and where to follow Him for this next stage in my life. I realize that it’s a misconception to think that this next stage is going to be the rest of my life; it could only be for a year or for a few, but basically, as I try to discern what the next step is to take, I would love your prayers. I had a follow-up phone interview with one school in Hawaii today, and while that would be a dream, I definitely need to remain patient and remember one of my favorite verses, Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” SO TRUE! I think I’ve mentioned that I love praying those specific words–for the “peace that passes all understanding,” and God is SO faithful to answer those prayers! He really does give unfathomable peace in times when you otherwise would be understandably crazy. So, He’s been giving me such peace and I’m not super-anxious, but I do want to make sure that I follow where He’s leading, so that could be back in Dallas, in Hawaii, or some other place (but hopefully not where it’s cold). 🙂

The last thing I’ll say is something I was reminded of a couple weeks ago in learning all about the names of God and about His character: we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Duh, right? Well, that might seem like common-sense if you’ve grown up in the church, and it has been a cute little catchphrase we tell our kampers at Kanakuk in the summer, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so confronted with that truth as during this process. God’s character is that He is sovereign, above all things and over all things, having created things exactly to His purpose and plan. So, as I was reading these different things affirming His character and came to this reminder–that HE creates us fearfully and wonderfully, I found myself confronted with the truth and really having to TRUST in that. Even now, when I have “tufty” hair (as Madelyn terms it…basically I’m still a baldy, minus the scraggly and thin hair that’s “tufted” up), when my skin looks purple due to the drugs half the time, and when I feel like crap, I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. A little bit harder for me to believe right now, but it was so good to read those words and be reminded that, even now, God has not made a mistake, nor is this out of His plan. Additionally, the status of my hair…or lack thereof…doesn’t change the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He’s not just meaning that we are physically created well, but who we ARE–which is beyond how we look or what our reputations are–our personalities, dreams, and characteristics were all created by a God who, in the words of Joe White, “don’t make no junk.” Hard to be confronted with vanity and insecurity, but so good to really have to dig deep and understand that He is sovereign and that I am STILL well-created.

In thinking of that, I’d like to give a shoutout to my kamper Meredith Cleveland, who just cut her hair and donated it to Locks of Love so that some girl or boy would be blessed by that–and she said she started thinking about it when she read that we had to shave my head. Wow, when she told me that, I definitely started to cry. She has always been so selfless in all she does, and she saw that it was more important for her to help someone dealing with losing their hair than it was for her to keep her long hair. What a stud who has shown me such a great example of genuine love and servitude over the past couple years–and she’s 16!

Anyway, this has been a long one, and my fingers hurt from typing. I’m such a pansy right now. BUT, thanks for your faithfulness in praying for me. In reflecting on how I’ve been doing and all that’s been going on, I’ve been reminded again and again of the incredible support I’ve received and how all it takes is us asking for help, and the body of Christ is right there. I hope you have a blessed night/morning/day, depending on when you read this!

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

Hannah